Ask Ash Week 2: Are Dolphins Real?

Agony Uncle Ashley Keating of the Frank and Walters answers questions from troubled fansThis week’s question comes from Twitter friend @RuthePhoenix who Asked Ash……







Dear Ash,

My boyfriend who works at Sealife thinks my dream is to swim with dolphins when really until I dated him I thought that they were fictional creatures. You know, like unicorns or giraffes. Should I tell him?

Yours sincerely,


Dear RuthePhoenix,

You must on no account ever tell your boyfriend the truth! The key to a healthy relationship is understanding that one persons reality may be the fantasy realm of the others. This is clear in this particular case. Your boyfriend, I’m going to call him Declan, is clearly multi  binational and believes in many strange things. This was probably brought on by a cathartic trigger in the human sub response mechanism.

You and I know that Dolphins, Giraffes, Unicorns and indeed “Sealife” where they all frolic about is nothing but a fantasy land on par with Narnia, Purgatory or Colombia. Declan however must be allowed to carry on living in this world as to rush the outcome would cause untold damage. I would suggest humming Frank and Walters songs gently to him while he grooms his Dolphins mane to link back the real with the not real, in this way he will begin to slowly realise that all is not proper and correct in “Sealife”.

You’ll know when Declan is on the way back to us when he starts to buy almost triple the amount of breakfast cereal then one man could possibly need, normally flavored porridge oats, and begins to wear knitwear with leather or suede elbow patches.

I’m confident this case will have a successful conclusion and well done on picking a Twitter name that contains a real member of the animal kingdom. I was only rolling about in the garden with my Phoenix this morning, but thats another story.

Yours in Fawkishness,

Ask Ash

If you have a question you would like to Ask Ash simply leave your query here or tweet @Frankandws 

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